The Depth of the Matter

There’s an old saying: the difference between being in a rut and being in a grave is the depth.

Life has a way of handing us challenges that can knock us flat. Sometimes, getting back up feels nearly impossible. The truth is, the difference between being stuck in a rut and digging your own grave lies in the depth to which we identify with and attach ourselves to our struggles.

The Stories Our Minds Tell

Our minds love to tell stories. Have you ever noticed how quickly the mind creates a narrative about being wronged, judged, or mistreated?

It often spirals into negativity before we even realize what’s happening. In many ways, this is a self-protection mechanism. The problem is—it isn’t always the truth.

Our thoughts and emotions influence us profoundly. And when the nervous system takes over, it can override everything else. Without awareness, this loop doesn’t help us move forward—it deepens our suffering.

Awareness, Authenticity, and Integrity

There is hope, though. It begins with cultivating awareness, practicing authenticity, and grounding ourselves in integrity.

Whether your path is spirituality, self-awareness, or ethics, the goal is the same: learning to observe life without the distortion of story. Unfortunately, most of us were never taught how to do this well. Our defense mechanisms often override our best intentions—or worse, we believe intention alone is enough. But as the saying goes: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

This is why I emphasize authentic integrity—the ability to stay present in challenges without collapsing into despair.

A rut can be temporary. But when we keep digging deeper and deeper with our thoughts, emotions, and stories, we may find ourselves in a grave of our own making.

Learning Through Experience

I know this because I’ve done it myself. And I believe any teacher worth their salt will admit the same. If they can’t, I’d urge you to take caution.

This is part of the human condition. We all fall into the victim story at times—the narrative of being wronged, mistreated, or betrayed. The question is: will we stay there, or will we use the experience as an opportunity to grow?

A Reflection for You

Take a moment and reflect on an area of your life where you feel dissatisfied.

• Is there a place where you know you could be showing up differently?

• Do you notice the “woe is me” story creeping in—telling you that nothing can change?

• Is the attention you’re giving this challenge helping you move forward? Or are you digging yourself deeper by replaying the same story and refueling the same emotions?

If you truly feel like you’re in a grave place, please reach out for support from a professional who can help stabilize and guide you. But if you’re simply stuck in a rut, it’s time to reflect on how you’re showing up.

Shifting the Story

Here’s the truth: you can shift the story.

In my experience—both personally and through coaching others—every time we give in to the “woe is me” narrative, we make things worse. But when we pause and ask: How am I contributing to my own suffering?—something shifts.

We move from disempowerment to empowerment. From despair to possibility.

The process is simple, but not always easy. Sometimes our nervous system overrides our good intentions. This is where learning the language of your authentic integrity becomes a powerful tool.

Choosing the Depth

The good news is: you already have the information inside of you. You just have to practice listening.

I learned this through my own ruts, my own graves, and my own climbs out of them—not alone, but with support and practice.

And here’s the key moral of the story:

With awareness and practice, you may stumble into ruts, or even pick up the shovel from time to time. But you’ll recognize it sooner. And when you do, you can decide: will I keep digging, or will I climb out?

After all—the depth is yours to choose.

Listen to this Blod on the Reflections & Redirections Podcast HERE.